Memorable MXC Quotes
This is a collection of quotes from the television show MXC (which is, itself, a butchered version of Takeshi's Castle) all of these took roughly one month to compile and I beleive they're laregly from Season 1. I submitted them all to the IMDb who completely ignored the lot. Not wanting the hard work I put into it to go to waste, I present the quotes here.
Although Season 1 was very funny, I lost interest in the show after spending so much time getting all of these quotes correct. The episodes I've seen of subsequent seasons have failed, largely, to retain the wit of these quotes. As a result, this page will most likely never be updated. Without further ado...
Kenny Blankenship: Oh GOD! What end of the cow did HE butcher?
[Seeing a person apparently break his neck]
Kenny Blankenship: Totally sick!
Vic Romano: Indeed it was, Ken. A disgusting sight.
Kenny Blankenship: No, that means I liked it.
Vic Romano: You know, she's a masticator, Kenny.
Kenny Blankenship: Vic! You can't say that on TV!
Vic Romano: No, a professional masticator. She pre-chews meat for the elderly and the partially incontinent.
Kenny Blankenship: Oh.
Kenny Blankenship: He's a college student, right?
Vic Romano: Right you are, Ken. In fact he's an Organ Exchange Student. After a lifetime of chain smoking, he received a fresh set of lungs from a Himalayan Sherpa.
Kenny Blankenship: Well, but at the end of the semester, the lungs must be returned and he's back on the ventilator.
Vic Romano: Student loans are a serious business, Ken.
Vic Romano: You know that baseless self confidence kills more people in America each year than bathtubs.
Vic Romano: Here's Craig Jacobs, he's hooked on illegal cock fighting.
Kenny Blankenship: That's illegal? My brother and I used to do that all the time.
Vic Romano: [Describing a game called "Swish Bucklers"] You know, Ken, the game is taken from an old pirate drinking game popular among "alternate lifestyle" pirates.
Kenny Blankenship: Oh yeah, the Butt Pirates of the Fire Island.
Vic Romano: They prefer the term "Bugganeer," Ken.
Kenny Blankenship: They also were known as The Pillage People.
Vic Romano: Alright and here's a replay of Sergio Puente, Director of Research and Development at the Pastorini Institute of Cheddar.
Kenny Blankenship: He's a real cheese whiz.
Kenny Blankenship: He fought the door and the door won.
Vic Romano: We're still 0-0 as Stu Whittaker steps up. He's very involved in internal affairs.
Kenny Blankenship: I wonder if his wife knows.
Vic Romano: And here he is... Dewey Mendoza! He's in for identity theft. His real name: Abner Wigglestaff.
Kenny Blankenship: I would've stolen another name, too.
Vic Romano: You know Ken, you eat too much prison chili, you might just give up your right to remain silent.
Kenny Blankenship: I prefer being on the bottom.
Vic Romano: Oh?
Kenny Blankenship: Yeah, I mean when you're on top its too hard to get off.
Vic Romano: You are still talking about bunk beds aren't you, Ken?
Kenny Blankenship: Yeah!
Vic Romano: Maxi, by the way, is a recovering Narcoleptic.
Kenny Blankenship: You mean she has sex with dead people?
Vic Romano: No, she just sleeps with them.
Kenny Blankenship: Oh.
Kenny Blankenship: You know Vic, I always wanted to invent something.
Vic Romano: Well, why don't you, Ken?
Kenny Blankenship: Well, I've never been to college.
Vic Romano: Oh Ken, that's not important. All you need is a little imagination and the will to succeed.
Kenny Blankenship: How about green T-shirts!
Vic Romano: Well, maybe a little schooling wouldn't hurt after all.
Vic Romano: And here's pretty little Jodie Gumm from the Culinary Institute. You know, she's President of the Lesbian Chef Club.
Kenny Blankenship: She cooks? I thought lesbians ate out.
Vic Romano: Only when they muff the meal, Ken. Otherwise they enjoy a big spread of food.
Vic Romano: Starting things off for the educators is Edgar Allen Poo. Edgar teaches Children's Lit. He also wrote The Telltale Diaper as well as The Fall of the House of Lego.
Vic Romano: Next up that's Virgil Cropme, he runs the world's largest nude charity fishing tournament: Asses For Basses.
Vic Romano: First up, outdoorsman Ryan Fossey. He's a Marine Unnaturalist who lived with a gaggle of sharks for the past three years.
Kenny Blankenship: He considers sharks his chums.
Vic Romano: Three plus one equals what?
Kenny Blankenship: Hot tub party?
Vic Romano: And this is Karen Edwards, star of Night Harvester. The story of a nocturnal talking tractor.
Vic Romano: And next up its Pete Grunkfeld. He's a retired circus strongman. You know, at one time he could actually lift Rosie O'Donnell.
Kenny Blankenship: Oh, God! Nobody's that strong! Her head alone must weigh 90 pounds!
Vic Romano: Yes indeed, Ken.
Patricia Glumkin (contestant): I like to swallow!
Vic Romano: And here's Patricia Glumkin, she's a sword swallower who works with her husband, Toby the Human Sword.
Kenny Blankenship: Yeah, he's the happiest man in show business.
Vic Romano: And next up, Mia Poundstone. She's a world class Ben Wa ball juggler.
Vic Romano: That's Vica, the ball point pin head.
Vic Romano: [Describing a contestant] She's a high wire menstrual cyclist.
Kenny Blankenship: She only works three weeks a month.
Vic Romano: Right you are.
Vic Romano: What went wrong there, Ken?
Vic Romano: Well she tried to catch a ball with her forehead.
Vic Romano: [Describing a contestant] He runs a resort for people with feet fetishes.
Kenny Blankenship: Yeah, Club Foot!
Vic Romano: Here's Robbie Lemon, he's a Fitness Surrogate.
Kenny Blankenship: Yeah, for a fee he'll lose your weight for you.
Vic Romano: Over the course of his career he's lost seventeen metric tonnes.
Vic Romano: And here's Bud White, he's creator of the all new make it yourself sports drink Urinade. For the athlete on the go who needs to get going.
Kenny Blankenship: I haven't tried Urinade. Have you, Vic?
Vic Romano: Actually Ken, I can't. Unfortunately my catheter filters out most of the nutrients.
Kenny Blankenship: You know, male models get so many chicks they're sick of 'em. That's why you never see 'em with any girls, right?
Vic Romano: Ah Kenny, you gullible little monkey. I'm surprised you haven't been sucked up by some cult.
Vic Romano: [Describing a contestant] Erin's a Binge and Purge Consultant for the Hurling Modeling Agency. His motto? If you wanna walk the walk, you gotta puke the puke.
Vic Romano: And for the fashion team this is Terry Masters. He's a building contractor who reinforces runways for plus size models.
Kenny Blankenship: Ah, there's nothin' worse than a heavy gal buried waist up in plywood.
Vic Romano: Next up, Trinity Percome. She has the distinction of being the only female Popemobile driver. The most challenging port of the job, actually not exceeding the one mile an hour speed limit, its to refrain from flipping off pedestrians along the way.
Kenny Blankenship: Papal road rage has GOT to be stopped!
Vic Romano: [Describing a contestant] He started the First Church of Judy Garland.
Kenny Blankenship: Yeah, that's Judyism. They worship all things Judy.
Vic Romano: And Toto, too.
Vic Romano: And starting out is Dante Santiago, self appointed chief of the Fashion Police. Matter of fact, he's spearheading a task force committed to making excessive butt cleavage a federal offense.
Kenny Blankenship: That means you, plumbers!
Vic Romano: Right you are, Ken. And its about time.
Vic Romano: Next up for Religion, that's Darrel Samusen. He's a head lifeguard at the world's largest baptismal pool.
Kenny Blankenship: [At the end of an episode] Great show! You think Striperella was watching?
Vic Romano: Well, actually Kenny, she and I are flying off to Hawaii. Ha Ha Ha, just joking.
Kenny Blankenship: Ha Ha, I knew it! You like cartoon boobs!
Vic Romano: That's why I like you, Ken.
Vic Romano: And first up Darla Newtsen, she's a shrub and bush trimmer.
Kenny Blankenship: Oh, she's a dirty barber, huh?
Vic Romano: No Kenny, actually she's a landscaper.
Kenny Blankenship: Oh.
Vic Romano: And next up its Rusty Hymen, he's a porn film cinematographer. He invented the Splash Guard for the crotch-cam.
Vic Romano: And here's Rhonda Merkin. She and some girlfriends invented a rug recycling machine called the Carpet Muncher.
Kenny Blankenship: Ooo, looks like she's gonna go wall-to-wall, Vic.
[She slams into a wall, then falls in mud]
Vic Romano: Right you are, Ken and that's our MXC Impact Replay. Let's take a look again, you can see she goes from short shag to dirty pile.
Kenny Blankenship: She's gonna need a steam cleaning.
Vic Romano: Indeed.
Vic Romano: [Describing a contestant] She wrote the surprise adult hit, My Big Stained Greek Bedding.
Kenny Blankenship: Oh! His Achilles Tendon was shoved clear up to his hip!
[Describing a new "Safety Suit"]
Vic Romano: I understand you tested the very first one.
Kenny Blankenship: Yeah!
Vic Romano: Let's take a look.
[Footage plays]
Vic Romano: Here's Kenny earlier this afternoon.
[Wearing a new "Safety Suit" Kenny runs straight into a wall and falls over]
Kenny Blankenship: I tested the wall first. Pretty solid.
Vic Romano: Good thinking, Ken.
Vic Romano: [Describing a contestant who works in a casino] Dee is a Slot Rinser and Lubricator.
Kenny Blankenship: Yeah, nobody wants to play with a dirty, tight slot.
Vic Romano: Makes for grimy game play, Ken.
Kenny Blankenship: Mmm-hmm.
Vic Romano: Nurses can be very delicate individuals, Ken. They're caregivers. Sensitive. Empathetic.
Kenny Blankenship: Yeah, and sometimes they stick a thermometer in your butt!
Vic Romano: If you've got the good insurance, Ken.
Vic Romano: And here's Stu Kahela, he enjoys stud poker at the Pink Rhino Gay Card Club.
Kenny Blankenship: "Where the Queens are always Wild."
Vic Romano: Indeed they are, Ken.
Vic Romano: Next up, Gil War. He restores brand new cars.
Kenny Blankenship: Must be hard getting parts.
Vic Romano: Indeed.
Vic Romano: This is Patricia Kavanagh, she's a Food Blander for hospital cafeterias. Oh! And she's down right away, but she's not finished Ken. Look at that, a Double Sided Boulder Grab. Oh, a nice Pinkie Toe Extention!
Kenny Blankenship: And she erects herself into a Stiff Member.
Vic Romano: Excellent move, there she goes, she starts off again.
Kenny Blankenship: Uh-oh, a One Handed Navajo Squat.
Vic Romano: Excellent, she's really got it going on, she is putting on a clinic--Oh!
[Injurs herself]
Kenny Blankenship: She's gonna need one after that impact.
Vic Romano: Right you are, Kenny.
Vic Romano: Oh, Ken, you hate to see this, it's a sad part of our sports. Sometimes these brave animals are tragically injured and have to be put down, but here at MXC its done humanely. Doctor Gerhard Kevorkian placing the arsenic soaked sponge under the horses nose, administering the lethal aromatherapy.
Kenny Blankenship: Today's scent is Spiced Apple.
Vic Romano: The horse gently takes in a deep whiff, the lungs instantly fill with blood and its over.
Kenny Blankenship: That's awful, Vic.
Vic Romano: Yeah, it can be just as tough on the horses owner as well.
Kenny Blankenship: Yeah, I remember when my cat, Mr. Sphincter, got a fur ball. We had to put him down.
Kenny Blankenship: I like my nuts salted.
Vic Romano: Indeed you do, Ken.
[A contestant has the number "2" on his back]
Vic Romano: ...That big number two blazing on his back!
Kenny Blankenship: Yeah, my brother used to do that to me.
Kenny Blankenship: Speaking of strong, what'd you eat for lunch?
Vic Romano: What're you talking about?
Kenny Blankenship: Well, your breath... it smells like burned death...
Vic Romano: Here's Sonny Gallow. Runs a Scratch-n-Sniff adult website.
Kenny Blankenship: Hey Vic, you should go there. Scratch The Taco.
Vic Romano: Indeed I will, Ken.
Vic Romano: Here's Dave Weaver. He works in technical support for a major software company.
Kenny Blankenship: Yeah, he once kept an irate customer on hold for three days.
[A contestant is continually slapping a Sumo Wrestler's face]
Kenny Blankenship: Yeah watch here, Alfredo flogging the Bishop, punching the musket, boxing the clown, waxing the dolphin, changing the tyre, digging the ditch!
Vic Romano: Its Jeff Lang. He developed Vagizin, the picture cell phone system for Gynecologists.
Kenny Blankenship: A diagnosis over the phone? Sounds fishy to me.
Vic Romano: Right you are, Ken.
Vic Romano: Don't count the computerists out. They are a crafty, intelligent and creative bunch, my friend.
Kenny Blankenship: Yeah, and their porn sites are cool
Vic Romano: Be careful about identity theft.
Kenny Blankenship: That's OK, I use your credit card.
Vic Romano: OK.
Vic Romano: You know there's more to life than cable TV.
Kenny Blankenship: There is?
Vic Romano: Of course, Ken. You realise when I was a kid we had only four channels?
Kenny Blankenship: [gasps]
Vic Romano: Yes.
Kenny Blankenship: Man, that sucks. I woulda blown my brains out if I had to live in the olden days.
Vic Romano: Indeed, Ken.
Vic Romano: [Describing a contestant] She works for the adult family channel T'n'A Kids
Vic Romano: And here's Lee Larsen, Executive Producer of Who Wants To Marry My Ugly Daughter?
Kenny Blankenship: Yeah, I felt sorry for the guy who won.
Kenny Blankenship: It's a Reality Show where you play practical jokes on animals!
Vic Romano: Kenny!
Kenny Blankenship: No, you tell a dog to sit, then you put a Whoopee Cushion under him, it'd be great!
Vic Romano: Here's Harry Coxic, he's the On-Set Medic for the Reality Show, Ass Jackers.
Kenny Blankenship: Oh, that's my favorite show, Vic.
Vic Romano: And why not?
Kenny Blankenship: Right here, Vic, the Brain Scrambler gets him and you can just see his vertebrae collapsing.
Vic Romano: Right you are, that's a permanent posture malformation.
Kenny Blankenship: Come on, Vic. Smell my finger.
Vic Romano: Kenny, I am not going to smell your finger. Don't even lift it up towards me.
Kenny Blankenship: Well, at least pull it.
Vic Romano: Kenny! How many times do I gotta tell you? Fingers are not toys.
Vic Romano: And here's Anne Arexia, she's the winner of Survivor: Cannibal.
Kenny Blankenship: She ate all the other contestants and won!
Guy LeDouche: Guy here is looking for a new secretary. She should be tall, full figured and enjoys dictation. I'm already giving myself a raise.
Kenny Blankenship: I call it a Ménage à Twelve.
Vic Romano: And first up, Ken, Bradley Milton. He created the popular college card game "Go Fist".
Kenny Blankenship: Yeah, I was champion of that at my frat house.
Vic Romano: I bet you were, Ken.
Vic Romano: [Describing a contestant] He's a Corporate Morale Consultant. Came up with Casual Friday and the new favorite Thong Thursday.
Kenny Blankenship: We should do that here.
Vic Romano: Oh, count me in, Ken. I love a good open toed shoe.
Kenny Blankenship: Um, er, yeah.
Vic Romano: Ah, Kenny, the beauty of Modern Art. Its in the eye of the beholder. Even if the eye is in an empty head like yours.
Kenny Blankenship: Maybe he's got one of those pornographic memories.
Vic Romano: [sigh] Somebody kill me.
Vic Romano: [Describing a contestant] Kyle developed the alternate game platform, Gaystation.
Kenny Blankenship: Their most popular title is Harry Croft: Rump Raider.
Vic Romano: Right you are.
Vic Romano: And here's Al Camino. He's a Vice President Chief Executive Assistant.
Kenny Blankenship: What does he do?
Vic Romano: That means he gets coffee for the rest of the folks in the office.
Kenny Blankenship: Oh.
Kenny Blankenship: What an octopussy!
Vic Romano: Some people just don't have the tentacles for MXC, Ken.
Kenny Blankenship: And right here, he uses his chin to slow himself down.
Kenny Blankenship: I think she broke her Mommy region.
Kenny Blankenship: He tries to break his fall with his nads.
Kenny Blankenship: I used to eat paste at school.
Vic Romano: Who didn't, Ken?
Vic Romano: And here's Beau Brites. He invented the Standard Issue Kevlar Condom.
Kenny Blankenship: It protects soldiers in the bush.
Vic Romano: Right you are, Ken.
Vic Romano: Here's Joe Foobar, designer of the Stealth Human Glider Suit.
Kenny Blankenship: But I can see him right there.
Vic Romano: Well, of course, the program was a complete and utter failure, but still it cost billions of dollars.
Kenny Blankenship: Hey, Vic, I would be a great Beauty Pageant Judge. I'd be fair and impartial and whoever showed me their thong wins.
Vic Romano: That's my Kenny.
Kenny Blankenship: [Describing a contestant] He works 24/7, Vic. Which equals 31 hours a day.
Vic Romano: First up, Tim Hoeman, founder of the Lazy Eye Drive Through Laser Surgery Booths.
Kenny Blankenship: My grandma went there and she hit the gas instead of the break and killed the doctor.
Kenny Blankenship: Hey, Vic, what's your favorite Olympic sport?
Vic Romano: Well, lets see, they're all outstanding in their own individual way, but if I had to pick one...
Kenny Blankenship: Mine's Rhythmic Pole Dancing.
Vic Romano: Kenny! Stripping is not a sport, though it is physically challenging.
Vic Romano: [Describing a contestant] B'jørk, a great deliverance-Oh! And she's in the water! Completely soaking her reykjavik's, much to the pleasure of her team-mates.
Vic Romano: Martha is a Greco Roman Badminton player.
Kenny Blankenship: Ooo, where they strip down, get oiled up and swat their shuttlecocks?
Vic Romano: Right you are, Ken.
Vic Romano: And next up, Liza Givesit, she's the leggy host of Asskiss Hollywood.
Kenny Blankenship: Yeah, she loves everybody. She even gave Giggly five stars.
Vic Romano: Its pronounced Gigli, Ken.
Kenny Blankenship: Oh, that movie sucked.
Vic Romano: Here's James Fonder, host of the popular cable television show Inside The Actors Bathroom.
Kenny Blankenship: Last week they talked to Tom Hanks after five chili dogs and a Churro.
Vic Romano: That was particularly moving, Ken.
Vic Romano: Here's Bobby Stringy, half of the beloved film reviewing team Stringy and Ropey.
Kenny Blankenship: They gave Giggly two fists up.
Vic Romano: Kenny its pronounced Gigli.
Kenny Blankenship: No, they hated that one.
Kenny Blankenship: [Examining a contestants slow motion replay] I think I saw something - right there!
Vic Romano: Right you are, Ken, she's clearly out of bounds.
Kenny Blankenship: No, no, it looks like she needs a bra. She's all... gigli.
Vic Romano: It's pronounced giggly, Ken.
Kenny Blankenship: Make up your mind.
Vic Romano: Here's Ron Taylor. He's a Braille Telephone Operator.
Kenny Blankenship: I think The Queen is hot.
Vic Romano: Here's Jerry Dillinger, he's an Overpass Stand-up Comic.
Kenny Blankenship: Yeah, it's hard to be entertaining when your audience is going by at 70 miles an hour.
Kenny Blankenship: I'd date her, but she's diseased.
Vic Romano: You know, Kenny, the liquor industry tends to kinda glamorize the consumption of alcohol. I know its popular in your Hip Hop videos, the crystal, the hot chicks drinking the liquor and gettin' their groove on, but alcohol can be a cruel mistress. She seduces you with that gentle intoxicating kiss across the lips but the next thing you know her tongue plunges down your throat and rips out your very soul!
Kenny Blankenship: Dude, you need a drink.
Vic Romano: [Describing a contestant] He makes Spanish Fly Tequila.
Kenny Blankenship: Yeah, that's the stuff with the horny maggot in the bottom.
[In a home made Astro Boy costume, a contestant looks more like a cat]
Vic Romano: Representing Cat Scat Litter, Piss In Boots.
Kenny Blankenship: Yeah, they have a great slogan: My box is so fresh you can eat out of it.
Vic Romano: Ah, memorable stuff there, Ken. And there he is, prancing across the stones [the contestant falls into the water] Oh! Nothing worse than the smell of a wet cat.
Kenny Blankenship: Yeah, my cat, Mr. Sphincter, used to smell of the dishwasher 'till I shaved him.
Vic Romano: Good tip, Ken.
[in Monsters vs. Mascots a contestant is wearing a simple green costume with a hood]
Vic Romano: And next up its Schmegmo, the evil flesh headed monster. [he falls] Oh! And he's down!
Kenny Blankenship: Yeah, you can smell him coming 'cause of the cheese under his hood.
Vic Romano: Right you are, Ken. Lets take another look at that run.
Kenny Blankenship: Yeah, right here you can see his hood peeled back exposing his cheesy blue veined head. He shoulda had some kinda Trojan helmet underneath that hood.
Vic Romano: Right you are, Ken.
Vic Romano: And first up for the monster team its Red Eye. The Giant Skin Mite from the planet Scabia.
Kenny Blankenship: Yeah, his entire planet invaded my underwear drawer at camp one year.
Vic Romano: Good to know, Ken.
Vic Romano: You never want to lead with your face when you're evacuating a strange orifice.
Vic Romano: Next up, Count Vulvula.
Count Vulvula (contestant):[Talking to nearby people] My girlfriend's got the curse? How'd you know that? Huh?
Vic Romano: He's a Blood Chugger from the Bathing Suit Region of the Red River Valley.
Kenny Blankenship: Yeah, one week a month no woman is safe.
Vic Romano: Right you are, Ken.
[A scene from Ken and Vic's "movie" is shown]
Vic Romano: Good work, Ken. Did your own stunts, too.
Kenny Blankenship: Yeah, I'm gonna probably win a Grammy.
[in Monsters vs. Mascots, a contestant has some sort of large and long floppy head extension]
Vic Romano: First up for the monsters, its Flaccido Domingo, the One-eyed Trouser Monster.
Kenny Blankenship: Yeah, he can only be killed with a silver zipper.
[in Monsters vs. Mascots, a contestant is wearing a pink costume with a bulbous pink head]
Vic Romano: Next up for the monsters its Opposable Thumb Head.
Kenny Blankenship: [The contestant fumbles and drops the ball] Oh! Looks like he coulda used a few fingers to go with it.
Vic Romano: Right you are, Ken. Let's take another look. You can see here, part of the problem - that horrible overbite, common among his species. As children they often develop the habit of sucking on their own heads.
Kenny Blankenship: I used to buy Mr. Sphincter toys like that and he'd just go and bat 'em away then go spray in my underwear drawer.
[A contestant dressed as Vishnu successfully completes a game]
Kenny Blankenship: Yeah, he's gonna be high-fivin' himself the rest of the afternoon!
[After talking about childhood fears]
Kenny Blankenship: My step-dad was always under the bed.
Vic Romano: That IS scary, Ken.
Kenny Blankenship: Yeah, he'd just lay there and breathe.
Vic Romano: Creepy stuff.
[in the snow]
Kenny Blankenship: It sucks. Why can't they make warmer snow?
Vic Romano: Well that is something definitely to ponder.
Vic Romano: [Describing a contestant] He installs zero-gravity Port-a-Potties.
Kenny Blankenship: So you can go where no man has gone before.
Vic Romano: Right you are, Ken Oh! And it looks like he might have gone a little bit there! That's out MXC Impact Replay.
Kenny Blankenship: Yeah, right here he does a Triple Scotty Skip, a Double Uhura and finishes with a Rusty Romulan... and right there you can see his cling ons.
Vic Romano: Snowmen don't feel pain because they don't have brains.
Kenny Blankenship: Yeah, but they have snow balls.
Vic Romano: Here's Long John Glen, he's a Black Hole Explorer.
Kenny Blankenship: Yeah, he explored the Aretha Borealis.
Vic Romano: Actually, I don't think he did Ken, 'cause once you go there you never come back.
Kenny Blankenship: Oh yeah.
Vic Romano: Here's Yuri Gayguyin. He's a Space Station Interior Designer.
Kenny Blankenship: Yeah, he's got a new reality show - Queer Eye For The Mir Guy.
Vic Romano: Right you are, Ken.
Vic Romano: [Describing a contestant] He's a Satellite Dish Washer.
Kenny Blankenship: In space, no-one can hear you lisp.
Vic Romano: [Describing a contestant] He's a test pilot for unmanned flights.
Kenny Blankenship: She's breaking up, she's breaking up, I can't hold on. We can rebuild it. We have the technology.
Vic Romano: Kenny!
Vic Romano: Here's Bud Nicholas, he developed Moon Tang, the male astronaut enhancement drink.
Kenny Blankenship: It increases your thrust, allows you to stay up longer and finish your emission.
Vic Romano: That's "mission," Kenny.
Kenny Blankenship: Yeah, "ass"-tronaut.
Vic Romano: [Describing a contestant] She's a head sausage link cutter for Der Penerschitzel.
Kenny Blankenship: Yeah, she likes handling foot longs and smoking franks.
Vic Romano: Who doesn't, Ken?
Vic Romano: You know, most "space waste" burns on re-entry.
Kenny Blankenship: Mine burns on the way out.
Vic Romano: Good to know, Ken.
Vic Romano: And here's Kurt Lingus. He's manager of Little Man in the Boat donuts.
Kenny Blankenship: Yeah, they're great for self dunkin'. I could eat there all day.
Vic Romano: Who couldn't, Ken? I love their holes. Oh! Look at that! Kurt's had a little trouble there! Lets take another look.
Kenny Blankenship: See right here, his eyes are glazed, he twists into a Rear Facing Crawler into a Frigid Fritter and she's dusted and sprinkled and fractured a bakers dozen worth of bones... and there's his "ass"-tronaut.
Vic Romano: Kenny!
Thankyou.